


If I Can Dream

by JensenAckles13



Category: Frostiron - Fandom
Genre: Angst, But it's still sad, Hopefully its beautiful sad, I'm Sorry, Lots of Angst, M/M, Yes he dies, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1665830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JensenAckles13/pseuds/JensenAckles13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki shows up one night, alone and tired. Tony offers him that drink. Things spiral upwards and the spiral downwards, but one thing can never be mistaken; they loved each other with a passion far stronger than anything anyone had ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Can Dream

I cannot tell you what life was like before, because I cannot remember. That is something that must be left to your own imaginings. I cannot tell you what life was like after, because that is something that mustn’t be shared. I can, however, tell you what life was like during.  
It started with a song. So bright, so beautiful.  
It ended with the ending of a quiet tune. So sudden, so simple.  
There is much I cannot tell you and that is because it is not something I can tell.  
It is not something that was ever mine to tell.  
And that is how it must remain, how it will always remain.  
The simple things, the smallest things, are the ones I have learned to treasure. And those things have been lost to me.  
Despite my years and years of attempts, he will not be coming back, and I will not be able to get him back.  
Life goes on.  
I can, however painful, tell in detail every minute from after before, to before after.  
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I will do.

*

It started with a song.  
Nothing worth caring about ( _not yet, anyway_ ).  
It played over his speakers, and he could not figure out why Jarvis had a sudden interest in Elvis. He did not complain, and he did not ask his AI to turn it off. Instead, he sang along.  
Perhaps it was simply for the sake of singing, or perhaps it was because the music chased away the silence that had buried his tower when Pepper left.

“ _There must be lights burning brighter somewhere_  
Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue  
If I can dream of a better land  
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand…..”

A voice that he was sure he hadn’t heard before joined his own, familiar in its own way.  

“ _Tell me why, oh why? Oh why?  
Can't my dream come true? Oh why_

 _There must be peace and understanding sometime_  
Strong winds of promise that will blow away the doubt and fear  
If I can dream of a warmer sun  
Where hope keeps shining on everyone…..”

As he turned to face the newcomer, he realized two things at once; one, he hadn’t heard that voice before because he’d never heard it sing before, and two, Loki was standing in his tower, looking utterly at ease.  
Tony still doesn’t understand why he never contacted Shield.  
Instead, he offered Loki a drink.  
One drink quickly morphed into one bottle, which in turn morphed into seven shared bottles.  
He held Loki while the god sobbed into his shoulder over his children who had been taken by Odin.  
He carried Loki to bed when the god had been too drunk, too distraught, to bear his own weight.  
He curled himself around Loki when the god had taken his hand and asked him to stay.  
Tony promised him everything would be okay.  
There had been many nights like this, where Loki would show up and they would drink together, only to end up in bed together.  
There were many nights when they would simply sleep, held in the comfort of each other’s arms.  
They never did anything more.  
And when they did, it was slow.  
It began with a chaste kiss, slow and passionate. Arms curled around waists and hands left trails of ice and fire on exposed skin.  
Clothes were soon pulled off and bodies were worshiped as King’s.  
They made love that night to the sounds of the snow storm raging, and the shadows of the flames dancing across their bodies.  
These became nightly occurrences. Loki would show up, and they would talk, drink, and make love. Eventually, Loki simply moved in.  
Things went wonderfully. They went terribly. There were fights that led to swinging fists and broken whiskey bottles. They always ended the same; with passionately love making and agonized tears.  
When they fell in love, it wasn’t easy, and neither of them truly realized it. Nothing had changed. There was no sign that read ‘ _YOU ARE IN LOVE_ ’. In fact, there was no difference.  
Tony had spoken those three words as they lay in bed together, tangled in the sheets and twisted with each other.  
Loki had disappeared and left Tony lying in the bed alone.  
Loki came back three days later, three words leaving his lips as soon as he found where Tony had been drowning himself in alcohol, Elvis rolling from the speakers as the drunken man sang along.

“ _Tell me why, oh why? Oh why?  
Won't that sun appear?_

 _We're lost in a cloud with too much rain_  
We're trapped in a world that's troubled with pain  
But as long as a man has the strength to dream  
He can redeem his soul and fly….”

Loki had held the trembling man in his arms as he sobbed out apologies that neither of them needed to hear.

Two years later, the end came.  
It was quiet. It was sudden. Neither of them had expected it.  
Loki had gotten Tony out of his alcoholism. They still had the occasional drink, but after that night, when Tony got alcohol poisoning and nearly died, Loki refused to let him drink himself drunk.  
It was a promise Tony honored.  
After all, he always kept the important ones.  
There had been a sudden and bright golden light that had blinded Tony. When he looked again, Loki had been collapsed on the ground in a puddle of blood far too large to be normal, a slender blade lodged in his chest.  
Tony would be lying if he said he didn’t mourn.  
He collapsed by his lover’s side and sobbed apology after apology, broken words of love, agonized tears spilling down cheeks dimpled from smiling so often. Yet another reminder of how he’d never been as happy as he had been with his god.  
They’d been listening to Elvis again; it had quickly become what could only be described as _their song_.  
Loki tried to speak, but was too weak to do so. So Tony sang.

 _“Deep in my heart there's a tremblin' question_  
Still I am sure that the answer  
Answer's gonna come somehow  
Out there in the dark there's a beckoning candle

 _And while I can think, while I can talk, while I can stand_  
While I can walk, while I can dream  
Oh please let my dream come true right now  
Let it come true right now…..”

Tony’s dream hadn’t come true, wouldn’t come true, couldn’t come true.  
He held Loki close as he died, watched the small smile form, heard the “ _Anthony….”_ breathed from bloodied lips.  
And he’d kissed them, his tears mingling with Loki’s blood, swallowing up that last word, that last breath, felt that one, final heartbeat beneath his calloused fingertips.  
And he’d cried.  
He’d spiraled into old habits, locking himself in his lab for days on ends, sometimes forgetting to eat.  
But he never drank.  
He kept that promise.  
After all, he always kept the important ones. 


End file.
